HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN TO LEAVE AND WHEN TO STAY?

SO, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN TO LEAVE AND WHEN TO
STAY?

The answer to that is in your feelings.

It's about what you want and how what he's
offering fits into what you want.

It's about making a choice to be at the mercy
of one man, or to have your choice of men.

It's about making a choice to put your life on
hold and "wait" for him as long as he wants you
to, or to take your life in your own hands and
"date" him for as long as YOU want.

Because one thing's for sure: when you're
"waiting," the choice you're making is to NOT make
a choice.

Your choice is to give up your choices.

When you "wait," you're letting HIM choose how
YOUR life goes.

You're putting your life in HIS hands.

You're saying you have no options but to wait.

And it's not his fault.

He's not doing anything wrong, he's just doing
what he feels like doing.

He isn't thinking about your future, or what's
good for you.

He figures that you, just like him, are where
you are because that's where you want to be.

He figures that if you're waiting around for
him, you're doing it because that's all you have
going.

Rori used to blame her "boyfriend" for "leading her
on."

But it wasn't his fault.

He might have been taking advantage of Rori’s
"waiting," but, he didn't even see it as taking
advantage.

He just saw Rori doing what she wanted to do, just
like he was.

He wasn't about to take responsibility for her feelings.

"After all," he thought, "she's a grown-up."

And after all, he wasn't out-and-out lying to
her.

He thought she was waiting because she wanted to
wait.

But that wasn't what it felt like to Rori.

Rori never saw that she had a choice.

Have you ever felt that?

Like you're at the mercy of your feelings for
him, and then at the mercy of your feelings of
helplessness and anger?

And it just doesn't have to be that way.

Just looking at a man's point of view - doesn't
it make you want to scream at him - "Can't you see
I'm sick of waiting for you?"

Even though we know he'd just stare at us,
puzzled. "What?" he'd say.

"I told you I wasn't ready - this was YOUR
decision," he'd say.

And all we can do is stare back.

We know he's right.

And we hate him for it.

And we still don't know what to do.

"Give him time," is what everybody says to us.

Friends, family.

And some say, "Dump him right now."

And it sounds like good advice, but how do we
just ...leave?

After all the time we've invested?

The weird thing is, sometimes we get totally
invested right off. Even after just a date or two.

Ever happen to you?

Where you know instantly that "he's" the one?

And then we just hang on, convinced that we can
convince him to know it, too?

The thing is, men often DO know when they've
met their "one." (Even though it's usually hard
for us to tell by the way they act and talk, and
sometimes it scares us off just to think it might
be true.)

And that's just one more reason why "waiting"
is such a bad idea.

If we just hang around, waiting when a man is
stalled - he just loses interest in us, bit by
bit, day by day.

How can that be?

It's so unfair, because we're TAUGHT to be
patient.

We're taught to be understanding.

We're taught to know that men need "time" and
"space."

When, really, giving a man "time" and "space"
while we "wait patiently" for him is like shoving
him out the door.

It's like putting a sign around our neck that
says: "I'm waiting for YOU."

We close down our hearts to all other men.

We spend our time thinking about HIM.

We WAIT.

The problem with waiting is not what it does to
him - though it affects him about as negatively as
anything we can possibly do.

The problem is what it does to US.

Waiting says to the world: my life is on hold
for this man.

It says to the world: I don't think much of
myself, I have nothing worthwhile to do, there are
no men who are interested in me besides this one,
so I'm waiting for HIM.

And what that looks like to the world, and to
HIM, is a lack of self-esteem.

It looks like insecurity and neediness.

So - how do you wait a reasonable length of
time for a man to make up his mind about you
without looking like you're waiting?

The simple answer is: you don't wait. Not ever.